


Let It All Out

by simply_luna



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:27:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26385616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simply_luna/pseuds/simply_luna
Summary: Placed just after the episode "Cactus Steven", Steven hasn't been doing well. After all seems lost, a visitor helps him see what really matters.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe
Kudos: 1





	Let It All Out

**Author's Note:**

> I did write this during the hiatus in the middle of future, and my writing style I feel has definitely changed. But it's still one of my favorites and I wanted to post it here!

Steven was walking around Beach City, attempting to clear his head. It felt clouded and he knew there was light behind the clouds, but the gray blanket of mist covered it up. He came across It's A Wash, the van parked in the driveway. Steven couldn't remember the last time he'd see his own father. With all that's been happening to him, without him, his Dad didn't want to get involved with all the gem stuff on top of it. Steven let out a heavy sigh and walked towards the van. The back doors were swung open, and Greg was watching something on the T.V. He noticed Steven walking up,  
"Oh, hey Schtu-ball!!" He smiled brightly, although Stevens' expression was much less cheerful. "Steven? Did you want to talk about something?" Greg asked, pausing whatever was playing on the T.V. Steven climbed onto the bed of the van and hung his legs off the end.   
"It's nothing, really I'm fine. I just realized one of my flowers died, that's all." He sighed, knowing it was a plausible lie and a terrible one at that. "But I've got so many. I'll be ok." He tried to smile.  
"Heard your cactus came to life and attacked you and the gems, is that true?" Greg laughs about it although it was traumatic. Now Pearl, Amethyst and Garnet won't stop asking about what it said.   
"Y-Yeah." He chuckled nervously. "He ended up running away...Wonder where he went." Steven looks out at the sun setting over town.   
"Steven...I'm really sorry I haven't been around. With this whole saving the Galaxy thing..seems like you've got it under control. I don't want to get involved, I might end up losing the rest of my hair." He laughs again. Greg runs his hand along his neck expecting there to be more hair. He's still not used to the cut. And to think, that was because of Steven too. Steven thinks about telling him about whatever is going on in his head..but hesitates. Pushes the thought off, and changes the subject.   
"Been working on any music?" Steven asks.   
"Would you laugh if I wrote a song about my hair?" Steven does laugh.   
"Maybe." Steven feels an intruding thought, and Greg notices.   
"Kiddo, you alright?" He asks.   
"Yeah..maybe that celery wasn't still fresh." He fakes a gag in his mouth. "I better..take care of that." He runs off, knowing how much he lied...he didn't lie about feeling sick though. He felt sick because of the thought he had. It was awful, revolting, disgusting. He wanted to say something. But nothing came out, he didn't- doesn't know his deal. It used to be easy to talk about things with everyone. But somehow he can't muster up the courage to say a word. Somehow an animate cactus was the closet he got. He kept lying saying there's a reason he can't, but there isn't. He opens the beach house door, and walks upstairs to his bedroom, avoiding any interaction with the gems. He fell onto his bed, allowing a single tear to fall down his cheek. He wipes it off and sits up. Connie comes up the stairs, smiling at the gems. This is bad, he thinks. She's gonna ask all types of things. She looks up at him, his appearance isn't helping his case. Her face renders confused but, she sits next to him on the bed and smiles.

"Been awhile!" She laughs awkwardly, and sighs. Steven simply nods, you can tell he's holding back, keeping a secret.   
"I'm sorry I haven't been around, guess college prep and school has been keeping me really busy.." She sighs, trying to nudge her hand closer to his.   
"I get you've got things to do, I just want you to be happy." Steven says, trying to breathe properly knowing she's trying to hold his hand.   
"I've heard you've been turning pink! What's that about?" Steven panics and stands up.   
"Uh...." He stutters. "It's- just my gem reacting to my-" He continues his weak english. "My..state of mind..?" He shrugs like it's a question.   
"Well, all your powers are connected to your emotions." It doesn't click that he's been doing it a lot. He can tell she's a little hurt the he stood up.   
"Y- Yeah."   
"Anyways, how've you been?" This type of question shouldn't be hard to answer. Steven starts pacing the room to avoid sitting down and to calm his nerves.   
"I'm good! I've got a whole gardening thing going on right now. Don't know if it's working how I want it too though." He said too much.   
"What do you mean?" Connie inquires.   
"I don't really feel it's my calling." He sighs.   
"Is gardening a side job or did you leave Homeschool to pursue it?" She asks. Connie really has been busy. Yet somehow she still knows that he's been turning pink.   
"I uh- I left..Just watching the Off Colors graduate was really bittersweet." He places himself back on the bed.   
"That's ok. I mean, I say I've got my whole life planned out but I dont. I still haven't picked a major for college. I've thought about medicine like my mom, but it would be a lot of time away from Beach City." She starts blushing. "A lot of time away from you..and the gems." She pauses after "you".   
"Steven, I know you've probably got a lot going on- something about a certain flower right? I'll get out of your way, just thought I'd stop by. You know?" She smiles. Steven doesn't want her to leave, but she can't stay either. Her mom is probably expecting her home for dinner or something.   
"Connie I-" He pauses, even though he wants to say it. He can feel the words pushing at his mouth but they won't come out. "I-"   
"Uh..Steven?" Connie questions. Her face is puzzled.   
"I-" He stutters again. Connie starts to worry.   
"If you want to tell me something, you can." She sighs when Steven doesn't reply. "Fine, don't. I have to go." She stands up and gathers her things but right as she steps down the first step he blurts out,  
"I want you to stay." It came out fast, surprising both him and Connie.   
"Steven, you know I can't. I wish I could but I have a curfew Plus I've got something to do before my curfew." She shrugs. "It's already past seven, my mom is probably already worried sick."  
"Please..I-" He can't say more, it just doesn't feel right. He wants to and in his head he keeps repeating that as if he'll still say it.  
"Steven, if you can't say whatever it is, I can't listen." She turns back towards the stairs. 

"I lied." He spits out. She spins around.   
"About what?" She looks confused again.   
"I'm- very not good." He says it almost like a question, like he doesn't know there's something wrong. The words he put together barely made sense. Steven feels his face turn red.  
"Steven, I-" She doesn't really know what to say. What do you say? I'm sorry? That sucks?  
"With all this- Oh man this is gonna sound like Uncle Andy said it but- There's so much changing, and it's changing without me." He sighs, it feels nice to say it aloud. Connie drops her bag and sits down next to him again.   
"I'll try not sound above it all but- Of course it's changing. With the whole Pink Diamond thing ev-" Steven turns pink, in fact he's glowing pink. He panics, standing up trying to control the color.   
"Steven?"  
"I turn pink.." He laughs awkwardly. "When people..talk about..her.." He hesitates.  
"I thought you were over it." She adds air quotes. " It's been a few years since we all found out. We all moved on."  
"Clearly I- I didn't." His pink hue never faded, he started pacing the room again. "Just when I thought everything was fine, another gem I didn't know compares me to her. I'm constantly..her. I don't want to be Pink Diamond, because I'm not. I'm Steven Universe, that's all I want to be." His tone changes to both rage and fear.   
"Steven-" Connie tries to say something but she's cut off.  
"My mom lived to ruin my life! I finally thought it was fine. Then Pink Pearl showed up, Spinel showed up. Even Jasper is a product of her. I just want it to all be over with." He's pacing grows more intense, faster. The floor boards are creaking..some are cracking.   
"Steven..-" She keeps trying to get his attention.   
"-knows maybe even the diamonds still compare me to her. I am nothing like her. I'm actually nice to people, I don't want to leave someone in a garden for six thousand years, or permanently damage a Pearl because I can't control my temper. I'm not gonna start a war because my family sucked." He trails in and on. Feels like it could go for hours. Stevens hue grows more intense, the floorboards crack more. The floor beneath him might break.   
"STEVEN STOP!" Connie yelled casing his hue to change, and him to stop and look down at the floor.   
"Uh.."  
"Steven, calm down. I know you feel like you're constantly compared to her but you can't change the way everyone thinks. Yes, everything changes. You of all people should know that. The reason you're like this is because your acting like no can or will help you. Your brushing it off as if it's okay to be turning pink, feeling frustrated because no one will help you. You're not asking for it." Steven steps away from the cracked floor boards.   
"But- Everyone's got new things they're doing. It's not like they want to help me, I'd just be a burden."   
"Steven if you're anything, your a gift. The first half human half gem, even if your mom was a Diamond. Stop focusing on what you hate about her, focus on what you love. Right now it'll seem there isn't much to love, but there is." Connie places her hands on his shoulders. Steven let's put a heavy sigh.  
"I didn't want to put all this on you. You don't deserve it. I just wanted to say something..anything to feel better." Connie smiles.  
"There you go apologizing for telling me how you feel. It's fine, I'm happy you didn't. Who knows what would've happened if you didn't." She laughs a little. Steven laughs along. They both smile. "I can't believe I missed your seventeenth birthday!!"  
"Can't believe I missed your sixteenth!" Connie and Steven embrace.   
"Now that I know how you've been feeling, I'm really sorry I haven't been around." Connie adds.   
"I don't blame you, I've missed my knight though." Connie releases the hug and blushes.   
"Missed my liege." Connie smiles.  
"You probably really have to go now, I'd understand if you ha-" Connie cuts him off.  
"I'm staying. If you text my mom, she'll probably allow it. I mean she won't like it, but she'll allow it."  
"Thank you." They both blush. Steven is starting to realize that he's blushing a lot this evening. Connie takes him into a kiss. It all happened very fast, but the kiss was beautiful. Steven stood there awkwardly taking the kiss and not really returning it. Surprise had overcome him. Connie stepped back.   
"Oh..s-sorry was it the wrong time to do that? I just thought that-" Steven returns her kiss as the two embrace. Pearl starts up the stairs.  
"Hey you two I think it's-" Steven and Connie panic, quickly releasing the kiss and standing next to each other awkwardly.   
"H-Hey Pearl!! What's..up?!" Steven blurts. Connie's thoughts get knotted up to her parents.   
"You didn't..see that...right? Because if parents saw what you didn't see they would freak out. Especially my dad." Pearl sighs and smiles, walking over to the two.   
"I don't know much about human romance, and I don't plan to. I won't be telling your parents Connie. Just happy to see you two together again, and Steven happy again." She gives them both a hug.   
"Thanks Pearl." Connie replies. Pearl starts back down the stairs.  
"Just don't stay up too late."  
"That was beyond awkward." Steven says, stating the very obvious.   
"Are you sure..you're okay with what all just happened? I mean..it happened pretty fast." She sat back down on the bed.   
"Yes..I am. It's just that so though you and someone else had maybe gotten that close. I don't know, someone at school. You hardly see me anymore." He laid on his back next to her.  
"Ok, Technically I became pretty close with someone and he asked me out, I declined. It didn't feel right. Maybe it's because I wanted to be with you, maybe it's because I didn't like him." She sighed. Steven sat up again.


End file.
